ARCHIVES
In this section, I'll be archiving the updates to the main page. Exciting, no? Here they are. Enjoy. I know I will.
Oh, hey, that's right. I have a webpage. I suppose it could be useful to, like, update
it from time to time. Of course, that would mean I would have to, you know... think of some
stuff to write about. So... I guess I'll give that a shot.
So Daredevil's coming out pretty soon, and
I must say, I'm pretty damn excited. Unfortunately, I won't be seeing this one on opening
day, because I think the 14th is like this... sort of holiday thing. St. Patrick's Day
or something. I don't know. But at any rate, people are busy, and so I'll have to wait 'till
the 15th to get my, um... eyes on it. But I'm looking forward to it, regardless. Spidey is
my favorite comic book character ever, but Daredevil is my favorite comic book, so if
they did it any justice at all, this should make last year's Spider-Man look like shit. But
of course, I sincerely doubt they did it right.
Just in case you didn't know: 2003 is the year of The Dark Tower. It's official. Note:
For those of you who think having to wait, like, two years for the newest Harry Badbooker (I'm
short on insults. Shut up.) is some kind of torture, it might interest you to know
that Wizard and Glass, the last book so far released in Stephen King's epic Dark Tower series,
came out in 1996. Now add to that the fact that Wizard and Glass is the fucking best
book ever written, hands down, and you've got some real torture on your hands.
September cannot come fast enough. I want my Wolves of the Calla, dammit!
Ka. Ka like a wind.
Ahem.
My headphones stopped working. I came to this realization while I was sitting on the
bus, riding to the subway, and listening to my perfectly legal, absolutely not burnt
copy of Xenogears: Creid. One second I could hear this, like...
music, and then the next, the music was gone. "Where did the music go?" I asked, before
realizing that my headphones couldn't possibly answer, because they can't speak. Yet.
So I started playing with the wires, which got some of the music to come back, in one ear, for
a couple of seconds, and then it went away again, and I could swear it uttered some
profanities at me as it did so, as well as a few inappropriate comments about my mother. That
was when I decided to just give up on it. Eventually those headphones went in the garbage.
So now I have new headphones.
Xenosaga, Episode I: Der Wille Zur Macht
is coming out in less than a month now (based on the sheer number of things coming out, I
suspect 2003 will not only be the year of The Dark Tower, but just, all around, the best year
ever). It was, I think, two years ago when I first got wind of this game's
existence, and I have been waiting with baited breath ever since. It's only gotten harder to
wait over the years, as the game was developed, released in Japan, and then took it's sweet
time getting translated, and brought over here, but soon my patience will be rewarded. Soon
it will be thrust upon stores the world over (well, in North America, anyway), and I will have my
way with it. Though I've said it quite a bit about many things in this update, it's still
important to note that I can't fucking wait.
I have a new comic strip, in the Independent. It looks horrible, but that's really
because of the way I was drawing it, which is apparently all wrong, and I think that's
been fixed for the one that'll run in this Thursday's paper. So all I'm saying is, don't
expect much from these two.
Ze news de la site:
More Peanuts.
Surprise, surprise, there's a new webcomic this week. I've
decided that the old gimmick was wearing itself a tad thin, so from now on I'm going to be making
some major changes to the comic, which I think you will like, or maybe you will hate, I
haven't decided yet, but I'll let you know when I do. At any rate, the point is that I will
now be, you could say, shaking things up. Stickin' it to the man, even. Power to the
people!
New poll. Vote. Or risk exploding spontaneously.
Still no profile page, sorry, I know how much you've been dying to see it and all.
But lucky for you, Boon recently sent me this survey
by e-mail, whose questions and their subsequent answers, I have decided, will make up the bulk
of said page, thereby sparing me the effort of actually coming up with stuff to write about on
my own. So, yay Boon! :)
The quote this update is from last week's Angel, which is almost as good as Buffy, and
has been getting a lot better, recently. Last week Angel's soul was removed from him, so that
the rest of the cast could get a chance to ask Angelus some important questions that Angel
himself was incapable of answering. There was no action in the last episode, just a lot of
tension, as Angelus spoke with just about every cast member, and preyed on their respective
mental weaknesses. It was awesome.
So that's it. I'll try to update again in less than a month, this time.
Really, I will. :) Promise.
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I swear to god, this is the exact conversation that went on in my head, like, the Friday before that strip showed up in the paper (er... last Friday, that is). Even the "Lucy" and "Charile Brown" bits. See, I have these two voices in my head, and one of 'em is named Lucy and the other is... *cough* yeah, you get the point. It's a joke. Laughter ensues.
Hehe... Peanuts is the greatest comic ever. :)
So school is starting up again, which means I'll soon be getting back into my regular routine of playing Russian Roulette with a revolver in the morning, determining if today will in fact be the day the pain stops. It also means taking the TTC to UofT every morning again, and let me tell you, there is no way I could be more excited about this. There's just no better way to start off your day than getting shoved around a bus for 15 minutes. 'Specially if you're holding coffee. :) On the bright side, I am looking forward to finally getting my marks back, 'cause I thought I did pretty well on my exams, if I do say so myself, which, in case you haven't noticed, I do. I do say so. I am saying so right now. Myself. Unfortunately, nearly every time in the past I've thought that I've done really well on anything, I wound up, in actuality, doing not so well... so we'll see how things go. I'll keep my fingers crossed. Because, you know, I'm sure the position of my fingers will have some major bearing on the marks I receive.
I saw Die Another Day last week, and while, in a fictional film (particularly in a Bond film) I've come to expect some demand upon the audience to suspend it's collective disbelief for the purposes of storytelling, there is only a certain extent to which I am usually willing to allow my disbelief to suspend. Die Another Day goes so far beyond this limit that I actually began to suspect, at some point during the film's 142 minutes, that I was no longer watching an actual spy movie, but a spy movie parody. A spy movie parody that was taking itself seriously. The movie has a seemingly inexhaustible supply of bad puns, like, "Time to draw... the LINE!!!" spoken right before the villain uses his ultra-evil Super Sun-O-Ray, a giant magnifying glass in the sky, to draw a line in the ice. Or how about "I think I broke her heart!" after stabbing an enemy through the heart. There is no end, and it is the most horrible thing you could possibly imagine. And as for how implausible this film is, well let's just say that at one point, Bond uses the roof of a car to surf a tidal wave. And we'll leave it at that. I must say, however, that I'm still quite fond of the way Bond uses every last charm at his disposal to get beautiful women into his bed.
Bond: Hey, you're pretty. Wanna, like, do it, and stuff?
Halle Berry: Yeah, okay.
I'll have to try that line out the next time I'm at the beach. Of course, I should note that as Berry gets out of the water before speaking to Bond, she does appear to be having some kind of orgasm, so she must already have been pretty damn horny.
Well, anyway, it was a stupid movie but the action was pretty good, if entirely non-sensical. I suppose that that's all I should really expect from any post-Goldeneye Bond movie, though.
Site news.
I have uploaded my two new favorite songs, which aren't really songs, because they have no lyrics, but they're orchestrated pieces, and they're pretty fucking good. They are Nara, which you may recognize as the music that played during the trailer for Unfaithful, and Requiem of the Rings, which is a remix of that song from Requiem for a Dream, whose name I can't recall, and which played during the latter half of the second trailer for The Two Towers. Download them both, or your life is forfeit.
Ye Olde Polle is new again, and it's to your right. Feel free to go all crazy and stuff. Throw a party, if you'd like. Dancing is not entirely out of the question, and baking a cake for the occasion is actually recommended. :)
I haven't finished writing up that profile yet, but I've decided that when I'm done with it, it'll go up on my... sigh... Asian Avenue page, and that, I guess, is all I'll be doing with it.
There is, however, as per usual, a new webcomic, and it is funny. And you will laugh. And if you don't laugh, it can only be because you suck, so nyah! :P <= that's my tongue sticking out at you. See? It's the emoticonification of "nyah". Don't you feel stupid, now.
There may be a new news story or rant (not sure which to make it...) in a couple of days too, on the subject of my goals for the new year, so, like, look out for it if you care.
Finally, the new title page quote is from the greatest thing to ever appear on television, Buffy the Vampire Slayer. If you are not watching this show, you're probably an idiot or insane or... something. Whatever the case, I don't like you. Go 'way.
No, I'm serious. Leave. I've got nothing left to say. Why are you still here?
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So. The Two Towers. I saw it this past Wednesday (that's the 18th, for those of you keeping score at home) with XtraKrispi and Squarehead (named such because his head is, literally, in the shape of a square) at, like... the theatre. I'd like to tell you it was good, but really, that's sort of like saying a temperature of -300 degrees Celsius is cold. Which is to say, "good" is such an understatement, to use it in the same sentence as "The Two Towers" ought to be considered some sort of crime. You should be charged and sentenced for it. You should get the fucking chair for it. It's that good.
...
Wait! Oh, shit! Um... you didn't hear that. Forget I said it. Forget it~! *shakes fist*
At any rate, if you, too, intend on seeing TTT sometime soon (if you don't, you might want to get yourself checked out by a doctor or something, 'cause living without a brain is probably not that great for you), I stongly urge you to stick around for at least the beginning of the credits, to hear "Gollum's Song". It is, quite possibly, the creepiest thing I have ever heard. I can't help feeling sorry for poor lil' Gollum... and this song only makes things harder on me. Poor little guy. So full of pain... *sniff*... excuse me... I have something in my eye.
But speaking of Gollum's Song, if you paid any attention to it, that's where the quote on the title page this update is from. See? Now do you see? Do you see how creepy it is? It's very creepy.
Cough. Onto site news... first off, at long last, the Leamonde Saga has been uploaded into glorious HTML! It took 37 years, and the hard work of 19, 000 men, only 3 of which survived the ordeal, but the Saga is up now. I personally think it's the funniest story ever written (albeit incomplete), but then, I might be biased. If you need another opinion, the voices in my head tell me they like it too. So if you'd like, you can, like, read it and stuff. ... It's safe, you know. Go ahead. What... are you afraid? Come on now, don't be such a loser. Everybody's doing it. You wouldn't want to let us all down, would you? No, I didn't think so.
A new comic de la web has been put up (man, I am so glad I took grade 9 French. It comes in so handy!). I suggest checking it out, because I've asked around, and the early buzz is, it's really good.
There's a new poll up too, because either these things have become incredibly popular in the past little while, or one person in particular is just voting over and over again. But let's be realistic here... I mean, that's just not very likely, is it? So yeah, here's a new poll since you guys seem to love 'em so much. I am, on a side note, presently considering setting up a new section where you can view results from previous polls, but then, that requires work from me, and work requires effort, and you all know how much I detest effort. Effort is a concept that was conceived billions of years ago in the deepest trenches, amongst the most fiery fires of hell, by the Prince of Lies, himself. And the day I work in league with Satan is the day I... put effort into this page, I guess.
...
But yeah, watch out for that, in case I feel like doing it for the next update, and it suddenly pops up.
And speaking of new sections, I want to write a Profile page for the site (the profile being of me, btw), but I'm not really sure what to put in there. If you have any ideas of what I should write about, let me know. I'd tell you to e-mail me, but I'm too lazy to write a mailto: link. Just write it in the poll comments, or something. I don't know... send it by carrier pigeon if you'd like. Whatever makes you happy. That's what I'm here for. :)
So... I think that's it. I'm feeling kind of depressed, still, so if you don't find anything in this update funny, that's probably why. Or maybe I'm just not funny. No, nevermind, that's impossible. Forget that. If, on the other hand, you find it all hilarious beyond comparison, I guess it's because I just have a natural talent for this stuff. Or because I stole all my ideas from other people. No, no... it's the natural talent thing. Definitely.
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So I apparently have a page on this Asian Avenue thing, now. Don't ask me how it happened. One second I'm signing up so I can go see Boon's page (and let me tell you, it was hardly worth the effort. That page is just too damn annoying... he has scrolling text and music playing in the background, and everything else I despise in a website... it causes me pain to view it. Honest to god pain), and the next, I find out there's a whole site up with my name on it, and it's apparently mine. This freaked me out at first, but now I just don't know what to do with it. It's like that stray dog that follows you home, and you sort of want to keep it, partly because it's so damn adorable, but mostly out of pity, because it just looks so lonely and messy and helpless... but you're just not really sure about the whole thing. Yeah. It's sort of like that. So I'm thinking maybe I'll give it a shot, and take care of it, and hell, maybe I'll eventually even make it into an expansion of the 'Fuge, in some way. And then I can add more bits of the 'Fuge to various other webhosts, and I'll have on my hands some kind of free webhosted empire. Of evil. Although I'm kind of afraid that the webmasters of this most asian of avenues will someday come across my dangerous secret, and foil my diabolical schemes; that is... that I'm not, really, asian. So here's the deal: from now on, if anyone asks you, I am asian. I'm the most asian guy in the entire world. I grew up in the remote village of Asian, Singapore, where I learned to be very asian all day long. My real name was originally Asian McGee. Asian McGeehizaki. I had to change it to "Josh" when I came to Canada (from Singapore), because the guys at customs were all like "Whoa, you're way too asian for this country. You're gonna have to tone that down a bit."
*cough*... and if that story doesn't hold up... well... as I remarked to Boon... I am caucasian...
So I guess that'll have to do.
Oh, btw, two updates back, I told you that "Beyond the Bounds", the theme music from ZOE2, was the shit. Well, I'm afraid I now have to report an error. It turns out that "Exceeding Love" is actually the shit. I apologize for any inconveinience I may have caused you on that front. But to make it up to you, I've uploaded the track for your downloading and listening pleasure. Forgive me...? :) [Note: Be sure to right click the file, and choose "Save Target As...", 'cause if you try playing it directly from your browser, for some reason, it starts pausing every five seconds... well, it does for me, anyway...]
Ahem. You might also note that I've tossed up the three Hanukkah songs. That's because it's now Hanukkah... or as it is more commonly known, my birthday in December. :) I got Suikoden III. I was only able to play it for a couple of half hours (or what is in some elite circles referred to as an "hour") before I had to put it away and get back to studying for exams, but I can already tell you with some confidence that it kicks ass. The anime intro alone is just... spectacular. And you can tell I mean it, because, hey, how often do you hear me use the word "spectacular"? Not fucking often, that's for sure. I've already mentioned the aural masterpiece that is "Exceeding Love", but the visuals somehow manage to match, and even, possibly, surpass that quality of brilliance. Words alone can't do it justice. You need to see it. Your very life pretty much depends on it.
So anyway, Nemesis comes out in a few days, and if you need to ask me if I'm going to see it on opening day, you know very, very little about me. To be frank, if you aren't seeing it opening day, and aren't as excited about it as I am, it can only be because you haven't seen the trailers, yet. There can be no other explanation. Luckily, my exams finish on the 10th, and Nemesis is coming out on the 13th. I would like to think god is in some way responsible for this. That guy's always been on my side. :)
In site news, last update I promised I would put together 53 new webcomics, and I'm happy to report that I kept my word. But then, yesterday, suddenly and without warning, a vicious tiger, with really big fangs broke into my house and attacked me. Though I came close to losing my life, I eventually bested the beast... however, 52 webcomics were lost in the heat of the battle. So unfortunately, I only have one for you today. But on the bright side, I'm still alive. Let's count our blessings, here.
Also, you may have noticed that there's this quote-thing on the title page. This one, like the last, is from Invader Zim, because Invader Zim is just that damn good. Why aren't you watching it right now? What the hell is wrong with you?
Oh, and yeah... You can, uh... just ignore everything I said in my last update. I'm not even archiving it. It's too embarrasing... :P And I was apparently jumping to conclusions, anyway...
*cough*
So anyhoo, another new poll is up, now... Let's hope that this time a certain individual, who will remain nameless, but who's name is Boon-Hau, doesn't vote 80 gojillion times a day. I'm watching you. >:( And I know where you live. ... Wait, where do you live again? Why? Oh, I just want to know so I can give you these, uh... these... flowers. Yes, that'll do. Flowers. They're really pretty, too. And they, uh... oooh! They smell nice. Yeah, that's good, heh... They smell really nice. Because, you know... flowers, like... smell and stuff. Smell nice. Yeah.
Ahemx2. So anyway, that's it. If that simply isn't enough Surtur in your day, you can always re-read the stuff I've previously written, like the news content. Or the links. The links are hilarious. So, yeah. Go crazy. Just don't hurt anyone.
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Yay! Big update today. :) First off, the new quote on the title page is courtesy my Psychology textbook, and despite the fact that it's actually on the subject of the praying mantis, taken out of context (and hell, even in context) it just sounded too funny not to post.
There's a new pic on the title page as well, as you may have noticed. Xenogears fans will recognize it as Jar Jar's somewhat more deformed and younger sister, Chu-Chu, nailed to the cross. The rest of you will have read the preceding sentence and understood nothing. At any rate, for info, and your general reading pleasure, a new news story has been tossed up on the subject. Pay attention, 'cause this'll be on the test.
I've also got 3 new webcomics for you all (or "y'all", if you're so inclined), and though I don't want to tell you what to think, they are very funny.
If you look up a little bit, you might notice a new section for rants. This section contains - and this may come as a surprise, so hold on to your seats - rants. There are two such items up today, and you may feel free to check them out, peruse them, even, to your heart's content. I do not, however, make any guarantee that they make sense, as they were written very late at night. I would tell you that I plan on revising them at a later point in time, but we all know I won't do it.
Keep in mind that I do not suggest reading all this stuff in a single sitting, for you will soon discover that it is all just so entertaining, you might actually die. Humour is a remarkably dangerous weapon, and I wield such an abundance of it, the mere possesion of me has been declared illegal in 13 seperate countries.
Ahem. So now that that's out of the way, let's talk music. I really do like music, so long as it's any good, and I've been lucky enough to come across some great stuff in the past while, only a small portion of which I'll actually mention now (as I plan to do a rant on music later. "Later", of course, knowing me, means sometime within the next 200 years). First of all, I would like to mention that "Beyond the Bounds", the new ZOE2 main theme music is, for all intents and purposes, the shit. If, in fact, you came to this site looking for the shit, the shiznit, or any other synonym of excrement, I would argue to say that you have found it. I have not come across so addictive a song since I saw that Final Fantasy 9 "Gravity of Love" music video, a long time ago... I've also gotten a hold of Eminem's latest, "Lose Yourself", and it's just... wow. I lack words. This is me not speaking: ... See? It's really good. Well, for Eminem, anyway. If you haven't heard it (and I can't imagine a situation in which that would be true, 'cause the damn radio won't stop playing it), you need to.
I would now like to mention, on behalf of my Guestbook, that he has been getting very lonely, lately. Now I know a large majority of you visiting this page (and by "large majority", I actually mean significant minority) have not yet signed said Guestbook, and I was okay with that before, but frankly, this is now a situation I would like rectified. It's gotten to the point wherein he's become so lonely, he's actually cried. Honest to god. He doesn't have very many friends, and he has a really hard time making new ones; his dad's in the army, you see, and they're constantly moving around, so the friends he does make, he winds up losing in a couple of months. I promised I would fashion for him a female companion, a sort of Guestbooktress, if you will, to keep him company, but I simply haven't gotten around to it yet. All this has taken it's toll on him, poor thing, and he's become very depressed. Won't you sign him? After all... you're all he's got.
Finally, I just wanted to mention that I've read Frankenstein for English, and I was pretty surprised to learn that the creature in the novel doesn't actually have a name. "Frankenstein" is just the name of the main character. I did not know that. The whole book, in general, reminds me of a Shakespearean tragedy, mostly because just about everyone dies, [Warning: The preceding was a spoiler. Do not read it.] but also because, at one point in the novel, Hamlet shows up for a cameo. He turns to Frankenstein, and he's all like "Yo, homie. 'Sup?", to which Frankenstein replies "Nuttin', yo. I just be keepin' it real". Then the creature shows up, and he's like, "Werd", and buys them all a round of beers, and that's when I got really drunk and passed out. I'm awake now, but my head really hurts.
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Yeah, so I, um... didn't get around to those rants, yet... I will, though! Honest! In the meantime, to satiate your appetite for Surtur, I've tossed up a new webcomic.
The new quote on the main page is from Clerks, episode 6. Contrary to popular belief, the show certainly did have it's moments. Perhaps not many, but it had them. This, of course, was one. It's a lot funnier if you actually hear it, though... :)
Anyway, keep watching for those rants. I'll get 'em done, eventually...
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Just a quick update, leading into another I should hopefully have later this week... I've decided that from now on, I'll put up a completely random quote on the main page every time I update. This was decided entirely on a whim, much like most of the important decisions I make in my life. This particular quote is a result of my newfound nostalgic interest in The Nightmare Before Christmas. It was originally said, in the movie, by (gasp!) Mr. Oogie Boogie.
At any rate, I've been a little depressed recently, and as is normally the case with me, depression leads to bitching, and my bitching tends to be littered with hilarity. So you can look forward to some HILARIOUS!!!1!!1 rants later this week, assuming I have the time to write 'em. I've been meaning to write about university for a while, anyway... So, um... yay? :)
Anyway, that's it for now. Stay tuned! Or, you know... don't.
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A new comic has been uploaded to the web. I call it a "webcomic". Or, as the French would say, "le webcomique". Of course, the French say a lot of things. I'll be damned if I'm gonna start listening to 'em now.
Also, it seems less people are voting in the poll, of late. If you're gonna keep throwing away your voting priviledges, I may just take them from you altogether, and make this site into something more of a dictatorship. It'll be like the Nazis, only, I'm Jewish, so I guess we won't be rascist or anything. But we'll still be evil. I've already started writing my memoires... I call it: "Mein Kampf". It'll make Hitler's Kampf look like a walk in the park.
...
Just vote.
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I've finally gotten around to doing some small crap on the site! There's two new webcomics, and a new news story! Yet another three ways to relish in my wackiness! You're welcome. :) I've also put up a new poll. It's, uh... to your right.
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New title page pic. Just 'cause I thought it was funny. :)
Also, I put up a new webcomic awhile ago, but forgot to update the "Last Update" thing up there. Go check it out, if you haven't already. Of course, since I'm the only person actually visiting/reading this page anymore, chances are "you" already have.
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New section on the site! Check it out!
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Yay! New comic. I'll be taking down the updates page soon, btw, since it serves practically no purpose.
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More webcomics... but perhaps the most important news of all...
the NEW GIA has
arrived! 10x better than the old, stupid one! Created solely by Surtur!
Or rather, my younger, more retarded clone... Check it out!
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New webcomic! Rejoice! Sorry about taking so long with them,
but I've been trying to figure out how to do something with my site,
and I wanted to get it done before I did any new ones. But I did a
new
one anyway. Go figure.
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The old poll appears to have died, so I wipped up a new
one. Be a responsible citizen: vote! Your country needs you!
Also, I changed the name of the comic strip. It's no longer
"Webcomic", original as that may have been.
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New webcomic! Should also be an update to
Updates soon. Heh. Ironic
that that was the one part of this page I forgot to update, huh?
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New pic on the main page! Yayyyy!
Also, new Archive thingy. And a Webcomic! Yayyyy!
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Surtur's site has been spoofed! Poorly! Check it out in Links!
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New title for the webpage! Welcome to the 'fuge. For the whole
story on this incredible change, head over to News.
You'll regret it.
...
I mean... won't regret it. You... you won't
regret it.
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Yay! I swiped a new counter off of
Boondigo, so now when you
refresh the page, it won't add to the total number of visitors.
Of course, this means bad news for my ego, but hey, at least it's honest.
Sorry, I... I forget what's good about that.
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At long last, this site has finally been moved! You can visit the old site for the time being, to see the HILARIOUS redirection thingy, if you've got nothing better to do with your time (although pretty much anything would constitute something "better to do with your time").
Anyhoo, as you can see, the site is now on Brinkster, which, while it doesn't suck quite as hard as Angelfire, still sucks. Hard. If anyone knows of a better webhost, let me know too, so we can all share in the better webhostity goodness.
I still suck at HTML, so this site is still under construction, but then, it always will be, so stop bitching. Oh, geez, don't cry. Oh, come on. Stupid baby.
At any rate, you'll still have to be patient little bastards, and give me time to figure everything out...
In the meantime, I bet you're just dying for a copy of the logo. There you are. Knock yourselves out.
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