This is my "news" page. It will not actually contain news, at least, not of a global nature,
so if you wanna find out about the latest happenings in the Middle East, or something,
you're pretty much in the wrong place. We're just here to talk about me.
But, hey, I'm more important than the Middle East anyways... plus, I can do this
jig:
Can the Middle East do that? Heh... I think not.
So, now, let's get down to business...
(11-01-02)
So, yeah. There's a new pic on the main page, and, as many video game enthusiasts, and particularly, rabid Xenogears fans will automatically recognize, it's a pic from what might honestly be described as the funniest moment in video game/human history. Basically, in an effort to add in a larger sense of symbolic depth to the game's story (Xenogears, that is), all of the main characters were inexplicably tied to crosses, because, hey, so was Jesus, and the crucifix is a religious symbol, and religion is deep, right? Right? Right. And thus, we end up with this. Just remember, people: Chu-Chu died for your sins. Well, she didn't actually die, come to think of it. But she certainly doesn't look very happy up there, does she? Chu-Chu was made mildly uncomfortable for your sins.
...
So, yeah. I found the pic on the 'net, thought it was funny, and, voila! Here it is. End of explanation. You may go now.
----------------
(08-24-02)
As my friends and a recent addition to my guestbook pointed out,
I've been neglecting this page quite a bit as of late. To rectify
the situation, I've decided to write up a news story. Unfortunately,
I have no news to report. So... I guess... I'll just... um... talk
about... stuff. You like stuff, right? Sure you do. Everyone likes
stuff. Oooh, oooh! I got it! I'll go through all the spam e-mail I've
received today, and mock it. Alright, let's see... "Real Drugs - Viagra and Phentrimine;
Order all you favorite drugs on line." Nice! Not only can I now, through the
magic of the internet, order all my favorite drugs online (apparently,
I'm crazy about Viagra and Phentrimine), but I can do it from people who can't speak
English properly, too! Ah, the wonders of the electronic age...
Lessee... what else do I have here... here we go: "Make your toilet paper talk". My god! Why didn't anyone think
of this invention before!? It's ingenious! Just imagine the conversations
you might have!
Guy walks into the bathroom.
Toilet Paper: Hey there, buddy. Good to see you again. How's it goin'?
Guy: Um... it's uh... it's good.
Toilet Paper: That's great. So, what're you in for this time, eh? Heh heh.
The long haul?
Guy shifts eyes nervously, then pulls down pants.
Toilet Paper: Ohhh... takin' a dump, are we? Yeah, I know what that's about.
Guy sits down on toilet.
Toilet Paper: Whoa. That looks like it hurts, huh? Heh heh. Don't worry,
it'll be over before you know it.
Guy: Th... thanks...
Toilet Paper: Oh, man. Peeeyeewww... it stinks in here. What'd you
eat, huh? Ha ha!
Guy: He..heh... yeah...
Guy stands up.
Toilet Paper: Oh, all done, eh? Well, alright, I'll see you in a few
hours then, I guess, huh? Heh.
Guy reaches out nervously for toilet paper.
Toilet Paper: Hey, wha... what are you doing?
Guy tears off a piece.
Toilet Paper: What's this all about, hey buddy? B...buddy?
Guy brings toilet paper up to his ass.
Toilet Paper: Oh my god... oh my god, no! Ahhh! AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
FADE OUT
Yeah, I'm definately going in for one of those.
Alright, well that's it for this installment of the news. Check back
later... maybe I'll have some real news for you, eventually. Heh.
----------------
(03-18-02)
So, by now you've no doubt heard the startling news. Surtur's Refuge
of the Damned, has now become... the 'fuge of the Damned.
"But, Surtur!" you demand, "Why the change? Everyone loved Refuge!
It was the greatest title ever bestowed upon a webpage! What is this
'fuge you've brought upon us? Can it ever live up to the same
greatness it's predecessor posessed? Can it possibly replace Refuge?"
A good question, my worrisome friend. The truth of the matter is, yes
it can. Refuge of the Damned, you see, is old news. That's your
momma's website. Well let me tell you, brother, this ain't yo' momma's
website no more. The 'fuge of the Damned marks a new era for this
website. It marks the infusion of a new kind of 'tude, in what
had become a stale, old idea. The 'fuge of the Damned is now a part of
Generation X. I'm a part of Generation X, now. We're
cool, and you can tell it, because of the X. Did the Baby Boomers
have an X in their generation's title? No. No they did not.
Perhaps if they were the Baby Boomers X they would've been cooler, and there would've been no need for Generation X, because everyone would want to be a Baby Boomer X.
But that didn't happen, and look where the Baby Boomers are now. They don't have the 'tude.
The 'fuge does. So if your generation doesn't have an X in it,
then get out of here, old man! You aren't cool. The X-Men are cool.
Things with the letter X are cool. Xylophones kick ass.
You, Mr. or Mrs. No X In Your Generation's Name... you are not cool.
So in closing, make way for the revolution! X is here to stay!
----------------
(03-12-02)
News, news... well, I guess the first issue to discuss in this first installment of this portion of the page, is one that has plagued most of my friends of late, when they learned I was making this site. "What's the point of this site?" they would ask, or "Nobody cares about you. Why are you making a website?". Normally, in response to such questions, I would simply take out my trusty shotgun, and blow a nice hole in said friend's chest. But this website being online and stuff, that's not really an option. Trust me, I tried (On the plus side, I got a new monitor!). But enough dodging the issue. Why am I making a website? Well the reason is simple.
I, uh... felt like it. So screw you, jackass. You don't like it? Let me introduce you to my good friend, Shotgun. He owns a pistol. Don't mess.
